Positive re-framing is a technique we’ll continue to use to help develop our inner coach or transform Betty into a supportive cheerleader. To reframe the statement above we can say something like: “Today I’ll be kind to myself and others” or “Today I will appreciate my strengths and those of others.” “Today I choose to celebrate self!” At the end of the day, we can look back at how we did. If we had a trying day – we can smile, know we did our best, and another day lies ahead. If we have a good day, try for another one. And then another.
Re-parenting our inner voice is a journey. Humorously though, accepting our stumbles and mistakes along the way, allows this journey to be positive. While we still have some challenging work ahead, a gift we can begin to give ourselves and others is this:
Just for today, I will celebrate myself and others as they are.
The very things we would want to teach a child are those traits we can draw on to transform “bitching” Betty and create positive memories for the Hippo.
This is especially true if we endure an abusive upbringing and want to end the cycle of abuse within our family. Consider the gifts you would wish to teach a child:
Acceptance
Celebration of Self
Compassion
Conscientiousness
Empathy
Forgiveness
Generosity
Industry
Humor
Kindness
Laughter
Joy
Love
Nurturing
Open-mindedness
Passion
Patience
Perseverance
Playfulness
Purpose
Resilience
Tolerance
Vibrancy
Willingness
Looking at the list, which traits you would like to acknowledge and celebrate? If you were your own parent, what would you want to help your inner child to work on? Which three would help transition Betty from a critic to a cheerleader? Reframing and self-talk help us sort out what’s going on, why we feel a certain way, and what we can do to think about or cope with a situation differently. Sometimes we may have to adopt a few “go-to” statements that can see us through a situation without slipping down the spiral.
Resilience is born from the thought “This is not okay; I can make changes!” Other “go-to” statements might be: “This is simply a means to an end” or “I don’t like this, but it’s not forever!” “I’m feeling upset, but I don’t need to make this worse.”
Write out a few statements that fit your current situation and will be helpful to downregulate emotional stress.
Powerful questions to contemplate:
“How would I be different if I had raised myself?”
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What can I do today to positively re-parent my inner child?
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